Don’t Lie On Your Resume

Hopefully nobody is stupid enough to make outlandish false statements on their resume, like saying they’ve worked for FBI when all the previous work experience they’ve actually got is at some small grocery store. FBI wouldn’t be pleased for sure.

But it all seems to change when it comes to small inaccuracies and “white lies”. For example, I actually studied German a few years ago. It seemed like a cool idea at the time, but since I don’t meet Germans often, my language skills have atrophied considerably and all I can say in German is “Ich will ein Weltraumschiff haben!” (“I want a spaceship!”... well, I do!). So should I put German on my resume (as a language I can speak)?

You might think - “Hmm, why not, probably it won’t come up often when I work as a [something]”. Think again. Murphy’s Law says “Oh yes it will.”

When you’re wondering how to make a resume look good, truth really is the best policy. Even small exaggerations and tiny bits of fluff are a liability which is bound to come back to bite you in the ass one day.

This concludes the second unquestionably useful post of this blog. Good luck.

How To Make A Resume Even If You Don't Want To

I never wanted a day job. I value freedom highly and I'd hate to spend every day doing what someone else tells me. Plus, I thought - "Nine to five, they say. Hmm, that's like 1/3 of the day!". Factor in travel time, eating and other preparations and transitions and I'm left with what, 6 hours of free time a day (+8 hours to sleep)? You've gotta be kidding me! I barely have enough time to do what I desire every day even if I have no other commitments. So I looked for ways to avoid getting a job.

I'm a programmer, and a good one at that. I create software even if I'm not paid to do that - it just interests me. So I thought I'd write some applications and try selling them on the Internet. Yeah, right. I started about a year ago & wrote two pieces of unique software. Obviously I did no market research and had no experience with online marketing. Perhaps as obviously my software has so far netted me just over $100. Woo. Great, ain't it?

So it looked like I had to get a job - even if just for a while - to sustain myself. Someone told me that to get a job, I needed a resume. And how to make a resume, if I may ask? I had to do some research. And since I'm an IT-guy at heart, it had to be online research. The one research to rule them all! Oops, excuse me.

Anyway, I found quite a bit of information and I'm going to summarize it and post some of it here. Look around this blog if you want to know how to make your resume slightly better than what others have. Or somesuch.

FAQ

Wait, so you don't really want a job and still you're going to blog about how to make a resume, which is directly related to getting a job. Why the hell would you do that?
Ahh, don't you see? It's the way to trick fate! I tried selling my software to avoid getting a job and now I'm broke. If I act as if I really want to get a job, the paraphysical laws of reverse causality will guarantee that my software sells and I become rich and jobless! It's the perfect plan!

Can I see your software?
Nope, sorry. I am far too sensitive and timid to show my software to strangers. Maybe that has something to do with it's limited success? Eh, couldn't be.

Do you really know anything about how to make a resume?
Don't worry, the info is solid. I've already done lots of research on how to make a resume before posting this. It's just my manner of speech that you'll have to endure :P

I'll post something more soon, so stay tuned.